So whilst most people did monologues involving speaking to another person, drama and a best man’s speech. I wrote about William the Conqueror. I blame Hamilton..
They call me Conqueror,
William The,
The Franks want to claim me,
But that’s not who I’ll be.
From every child in school to the elderly,
There’s only one battle in their memory.
1066.
Was the date, fixed in your minds.
When poor Harold lost a kingdom, took an arrow to his eye.
They stitched me into history with a Bayeaux tapestry,
Kings and Queens of England wish they’re on a par with me.
Eadwig, Edgar, Edward The Martyr?
Aethelred the Unready? Well, he was a non-starter.
I know what I want, I know how to get it.
So join my Norman Warband, you’ll never regret it.
Roucey, destrider, archer, divide-a English army by force,
Retreat, show defeat, make them think your beat, then bring heat.
Congratulations me, I’m King, time to settle what I win.
Domeeeesssssday.
Domeeeesssssday.
See, remember that guy? Edward the confessor?
Was you King, I’m like him, except we know I’m better.
You owed him some taxes, copper, silver and some gold.
Some proper reparations for all that land that you hold.
I’ll take a survey, make a list, check your holdings, clench a fist.
It’s only what is fair, it’s only what is due, it’s me wearing the crown, not you.
Speaking of crowns, I need one for my wife.
I don’t need six, I’ve only one in my life.
Divorce, beheaded died? Divorced, beheaded, survived?
Mine said I was a bastard, refused to be my bride.
I rode all night, I rode all day, I rode through Bruge,
I know how to get my way.
She said I was low born, I threw her to the floor.
Romance isn’t dead, right there, that’s l’amore.
So in conclusion, though there’s feuding.
Will and Rob are brooding,
Though my wishes were known,
It’s very Game of Thrones.
My legacy lives on,
Though I’m gone.
William the conqueror.
The don.
