For Hire

1. EXT. 1992 Black Cadillac Deville. ALBANY NEW YORK. 13:00pm

Inside the pristine Cadillac are two men in the front seats. Driving is 6 Bullets Moretti (35) a bear of a man, who seems as hard as he is wide. Greasy hair is slicked back; beady dark eyes are fixed on the road. Moretti earned his name after a rival outfit tried to shoot him 6 times and failed to kill him. In the passenger seat is Joey Knee Caps (27) a man with as little morals as he has flesh, he finds a particular thrill in kneecapping his victims. Maximum pain for minimum risk. It is now his signature move. Both are wearing Armani suits.

6 Bullets Moretti:
“Did you whack him? Not “whacked” him but whacked him?”

Joey Knee Caps:
“Yeah I whacked him good. So good they’re gonna to try me out for the Red Sox next year.”

6 Bullets Moretti:
“You sure you whacked him? You know Mr. Castiglione doesn’t like it when they’re not properly whacked.”

Joey Knee Caps:
“Yeah I’m sure.”

6 Bullets Moretti:
“So why’s he making so much noise Joey?”

Joey Knee Caps:
“Ehh, he’s a squealer. That’s what squealers do. They squeal.”

6 Bullets Moretti:
“And you used your good cosh?”

Joey Knee Caps:
“Listen, if you don’t stop asking me questions I’m going to make you 7 bullets Moretti instead of 6. Got it?”

6 Bullets Moretti:
“It’s not as though you can get good coshes now-a-days. When my Grandpapi was young, God rest his soul, you could buy a cosh on every street corner. Good ones too. You can buy a gun at Wally world, even a rifle. But a cosh? No dice.”

Joey Knee Caps:
“Yeah well it’s not like they have supermarkets for those kinds of things. Thugs-are-us. Not a good brand name.”

6 Bullets Moretti:
“I bet amazon would have one.”

Joey Knee Caps:
“Yeah, they’d deliver in a day too.”

6 Bullets Moretti:
“I’m going to order one. Off Amazon. Hey Joey. Joey turn the radio up!”

Joey Knee Caps:
“Ha! You like Avril Lavigne? Wait until I tell the boys! Hey, hey, yous, yous, Moretti wants to be your girlfriend.”

6 Bullets Moretti:
“No, Joey, the cops. They’re up ahead.”

Avril Lavigne suddenly is blasting out of the Cadillac at full volume.

6 Bullet Moretti:
You think they suspect something?

Joey Knee Caps:
No Moretti. We’re just two full grown men, listening to Avril Lavinge taking a Sunday afternoon drive.

6 Bullet Moretti:
You think so?

Joey Knee Caps:
Idiot! Of course they’re gonna suspect!

2. EXT. 1992 Black Cadillac Deville. QUEENS NEW YORK. 13:00pm

Inside the Cadillac are a man and woman, newly wed. Charles Smith (45) is wearing a tailored Gucci suit, diamond cufflinks and a pair of patent leather brogues. Despite the thumping in the boot he seems relaxed, driving one handed, his passenger, however, seems less at ease. Elena Smith (19) is fiddling with the hemline of her new “honeymoon” dress.

Elena:
Charlie. Charlie! Are you sure the car’s ok? It’s making some awful noise.

Charles:
It’ll just be the bottle of champagne from your Ma. I checked the tyre five miles back.

Elena:
It sounds like someone’s trying to get out the trunk.

Charles:
Don’t be silly sweetheart, there’s nothing in the trunk but presents. And the 20 cases you brought.

Elena:
It’s only 2 Charlie. Pull over.

Charles:
Listen we’re going to drive 10 more miles and we’ll be there. No hassle. Just ten more miles sweetheart and we’ll be on honeymoon. It’ll be fine, you’ll see.

3. EXT. 1992 Black Cadillac Deville. ALBANY NEW YORK. 13:20pm

The Cadillac has pulled over on the side of the road; behind them is a police car. The officer in attendance is James Defino (24). Defino is hungry for his first big bust, he’s sure this will be it, if only he can find something to hold them for.

6 Bullets Moretti:
You open the trunk and I’ll whack him.

Joey Knee Caps:
Why do you whack him?

6 Bullets Moretti:
Because it was your whacking that got us into this in the first place.

Rolls the window of the Cadillac down.

Does there seem to be a problem officer?

Officer Defino:
Can you step out of your vehicle Sir?

6 Bullets Moretti:
Sure, do you need my licence?

Officer Defino:
I need you to pop your trunk.

6 Bullets Moretti:
Sure Officer, anything you say.

Exaggerated winking at Joey Knee Caps.

Officer Defino:
You have something in your eyes Sir?

6 Bullets Moretti:
No officer, let me get the trunk for you…

6 Bullets Moretti pops the trunk, inside are three suitcases, some hampers and a bottle of champagne with a tag which reads ‘Just Married’.

Officer Defino:
These yours?

6 Bullets Moretti:
(Perplexed)
Uh. Yeah. Sure. I mean. Yes officer, they’re ours.

Officer Defino:
You. And him?

6 Bullets Moretti:
Yes officer.

Officer Defino:
It takes all sorts.
Well then enjoy your… honeymoon.

Moretti returns to the driving seat.

Joey Knee Caps:
That guy thinks we’re hitched? I’m gonna cap him!

6 Bullets Moretti:
Leave it Joey. We’re gonna have worse than that when Carlos finds out we’ve lost the snitch.

4. INT. 1992 Black Cadillac Deville – the trunk. QUEENS NEW YORK. 13:30pm

It is not a good day in the life of Jimmy the Snitch. A snitch’s life is never particularly good and given the nature of their business it’s likely to be short. This particular morning took an especially bad turn when Joey Knee Caps and 6 Bullets Moretti bundled him into the back of a Cadillac. Jimmy has been reflecting on his life choices when the vehicle slows to a stop and he can hear high heeled shoes moving away. Moretti didn’t seem the heel type of guy so perhaps, just perhaps Jimmy’s day is about to get better.

Carlos “Mr Smith” Castiglione is on the phone to his associate Tony Cabal.

Carlos Castiglione:
Tony! Did you do the thing? Yes, the thing. And then the other thing? You know I’m on honeymoon with Elena, so did you sort the thing?
Yeah, yeah. You did what? With the cars?

Opens the boot, where the life of Jimmy the Snitch is about to get exceptionally short.

Ah Tony! You didn’t need to. This doesn’t count as a wedding present though!
There is a single hiss of a silenced gunshot.
You got Joey and Moretti there? Yeah. They shit themselves?

Castiglione laughs.

Take them out for pizza. Make sure they get all the toppings. Then send them over here to pick up the car and sort out this mess.
Yeah I told the hire company I was Smith. Lucky you Tony. Lucky you.

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